Deadlock
by Anise Nalci
Summary: It wasn't supposed to end this way. But under torture and threats, Kevin betrayed Ben and Gwen, and now has to deal with the aftermath. Gwevin.


**Deadlock**

* * *

**It wasn't supposed to end this way…**

He was an idiot.

He was an idiot.

For the record, let it be known that Kevin Ethan Levin was an idiot.

Honestly, what did he expect? If he continued his illegal activities there was only one way it could end, wasn't there? He'd be forced to betray Ben and Gwen in order to save them by big evil alien butt – not that he couldn't kick them to the Null Void by himself if he had to, but this time he was seriously outnumbered (not to mention tortured, half-dead, and put under a truth machine once those creepy aliens got him in a deadlock – with a healthy dose of threats about what they would do if they caught Ben and Gwen, after he was killed if he didn't reveal what he knew), and even Ben, superhero of superheroes (so he dubbed himself) wouldn't be able to handle them all on his own.

And how could he hope Ben and Gwen wouldn't figure out the truth? True, he'd been under duress when he revealed it, but that was no excuse.

He thought he would have borne it better if Ben and Gwen got angry and decided to kick _him_ into the Null Void. He deserved it, anyway, for even _caving _under duress and torture, to betray two of the few people who'd actually shown him kindness –

But – nothing.

"Is this true?" Ben had asked after a particularly long, drawn out battle with a league of alien villains. The last alien he killed revealed that Kevin had sold Ben out. "Did you – did you..." Ben trailed off, but Kevin knew what he was going to say.

He should have lied. It would have worked. Ben and Gwen both trusted Kevin...

Gwen, who was tending to their wounds, snapped at Ben: "How can you think that, Ben? Kevin's on our side now – he's good! And he fought alongside _you_ – how can you even _believe_..."

But Kevin 'fessed up. He had to. "Yeah," he said in a low murmur, not bothering to explain the details.

Ben and Gwen stared at him.

"I can't believe this," Ben said, his voice suddenly thick and scratchy, and he was barely able to conceal his anger and frustration. "You're – you're supposed to be on our side!"

"Ben, Kevin wouldn't do this," Gwen defended Kevin. "There has to be some reason –" Gwen trailed off and her beautiful, wide emerald eyes met Kevin's deep, hard onyx orbs. Kevin managed an emotionless expression, but he turned to the side, unable to meet Gwen's gaze with all her emotions reflected in her face: of hope, of expectancy, even of _love_…

It was at this moment that he wished he'd been killed instead by those alien buttheads before ever having had the chance to betray Ben and Gwen. He cared for her so much, he _loved _her, if that was not too strong a choice of word for the overwhelming feeling of affection he felt for the caring, sympathizing soul who was as beautiful inside as she was outside –

Ben took his silence for a yes. His face scrunched up in anger. "No – way. No – freaking – way. _How could you_? I thought we were friends, I thought we were a team. Damn it, Kevin!" He stomped off, his injuries forgotten in the pain of betrayal. Kevin said nothing. He didn't want to. He deserved a treatment worse than this.

Kevin was left alone with Gwen, and he stubbornly refused to look at her. Nothing was said, and a heavy silence hung in the air, and the atmosphere was heavy and oppressive. The tension could be cut with a knife. Gwen said nothing, which made it unbearable for him.

"Why are you still here?" He asked, in a thick voice, and he concealed his apprehension by speaking through gritted teeth.

He felt a light pressure on his shoulder, and looked at it, to see a small, slim hand on his shoulder. It was Gwen's.

"Kevin – I know you wouldn't betray us unless something was terribly wrong," she said softly.

Kevin felt a wave of euphoria pass through him. Gwen knew! Gwen believed in his goodness – but then he sobered. What good ever came of her believing in the good side of people? After all, they nearly _died _because of him –

He couldn't let her die. She was too good to die too young. He loved her too much for her life to be snatched off before her time.

So, despite his desire to sweep her into an embrace, he shrugged her hand off, and caught the hurt expression on her face. It darn near killed him inside.

"You're not evil, Kevin. Not any more –" She looked at him, straight at his eyes, her own pleading him to tell her what happened. It was as if she knew instinctively what must have happened. He wondered whether this was something related to her Anodite powers. He said nothing.

"Kevin, please –"

"How do you know that I'm not evil? What do you really know about me?" He blurted out, his words cruel and his voice hostile. Immediately as he said it he regretted it, because he didn't mean to say this. He just wished Gwen would treat him as he thought he deserved to be treated, even though he wouldn't be able to bear it if she alienated him.

But she did something worse. Her eyes watered, and a single tear fell down her cheek.

"Why do you keep pushing me away? Can't you see that –?" She trailed off. He dared not hope she wanted to say what he thought she was about to say, because this was not what he deserved right now. Why couldn't she at least scream at him, try and kill him?

The second silence was more awful that the first. Kevin was sullen and silent, while Gwen –

He couldn't even bear to look at her, but it was as if he was forced to. She looked at him with a face devoid of any expression, and she looked as if she was now made out of stone – except that stone figures did not have tears falling down their cheeks, even if it was as noiselessly as Gwen was doing now.

_Why won't you tell me?_

She was shouting that out to him, it seemed, deafening him. He felt stifled and confused. She shouldn't care so much – look what was happening.

So he decided to suck it up and leave. She'd be safe from him this way.

"I have to go."

Four simple words. He brushed past her, trying to ignore her still form, in noiseless tears. But as he came in contact with her as their shoulders brushed, she turned to him, and took his arm.

"Kevin."

When she said his name, he knew he had to go, even if all he really wanted to do was to grab her and pull her into an embrace. He loved her because she was capable of some much kindness and thoughtfulness for others – characteristics he wished he had and admired but for some reason was incapable of. He loved her because of her ability to empathize with others, and to look past his dark past and his cold exterior to care for him. But he saw, at that moment, what would happen in the future. He was in too deep to extricate himself from all the illegal dealings he was involved in. This would only happen again, and Ben would be angry and hurt, and Gwen would die a little inside and be disappointed – he couldn't bear to have her hurt like this again by what he'd done.

He yanked his arm from her grasp, causing her to stumble backwards, almost falling. If he hadn't caught her by the waist, she would have fallen down onto the hard concrete floor and would be hurt.

She was as surprised by this as he was. "Kevin?"

He helped her up, carefully making sure she didn't break under his arms (he was very strong, and even though Gwen was strong herself he was always terrified he'd break her).

"I don't want to break you to pieces, Gwen. If I stayed around you guys, I'll only end up hurting both you and Ben. I don't want to do that. But I'm in too deep –" He trailed off abruptly. He'd said too much.

"Kevin, you aren't evil."

He turned away. "But I could be. There are – influences." A pause. "I should go. Goodbye, Gwen."

She didn't protest. He could feel her eyes on him as he walked away. She didn't say anything.

It was when he turned around the corner that he heard a suppressed sob, and a quiet, "You've broken me already, Kevin. You broke my heart."

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_**Fin**_

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**Author's Note:**_ Angsty/dark Gwevin for the WIN!_

_I wanted this to be a multi-chaptered thing, but it ended so well with the ending (although I think I may have overdone it with all the tortured feelings), that I decided I'll end it here – for now._

_Reviews make me smile. =)_


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